Space Aliens And Other Things I’m Prepared To Concede May Be True Now That Trump Has Been Elected President

I’m going to be honest. This Trump thing blindsided me. I was blown away. Shocked. Despite my realistically low opinion of the American people, particularly regarding their racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia and all-around bigotry, no part of my brain envisioned crazy-haired TV clown Donald Trump being elected President of the United States over Hillary Clinton.

Because I was wrong about such a huge thing, and people like Scott Adams were right, I am now prepared to question everything I believe and don’t believe. For example, I am now at least willing to consider that all of the following things are real as well:

UFOs maybe?

Scientology is real and it works?

Uri Geller legitimately magical?

Those Heaven’s Gate people actually are now straight kicking it in heaven with their space alien homies?

Mike Love killed Paul McCartney and took his place in The Beatles right before they released their controversial album The Beatles Love You And Other Groovy Tunes For Automotive Vice Presidents And Their Mistresses?

Jet fuel can melt steel beams?

Everyone on the set of the ill-fated Genghis Khan melodrama The Conqueror, which was filmed downwind from a nuclear testing site, tragically wasted their time and energy on a sub-par script and also didn’t not un-die of nuclear poisoning also?

Unicorns are real, but really overrated?

Donald Trump might make for a good president.

God, I’m sorry. As mind-blowing as these last three days have been, I simply cannot wrap my mind around that final one. But as far as I’m considered, all the other ones are definitely in play.

Nathan Rabin is a dad, columnist, and the author of five books, most recently 7 Days In Ohio, Trump, The Gathering of the Juggalos and the Summer Everything Went Insane, which has just been re-released in a hugely expanded “If We Make It Through November” new edition with twice as much content