10 Possibly Apocryphal Stories About The Upsurge In Racism Following Trump’s Election

Since Donald Trump shocked and horrified the world by being elected President of The United States on Tuesday, stories have abounded of American citizens taking their cues from their new leader and terrorizing the minorities that Trump scapegoated throughout his divisive and controversial campaign.

Some of these stories are undoubtedly true, horrifying evidence of the effect Trump’s rhetoric and hate-mongering is already having on the American public. But some of these anecdotes seem suspiciously juicy. With that in mind, here’s ten stories I’ve encountered about Trump’s nefarious influence that I need to admit, sound a little apocryphal and made up to me.

1. “Hitler” is now the most popular boy and girl name

2. A high school in Iowa changed the theme of its prom from “Enchantment Under The Sea” to “How Fuhrer Trump Will Bring About A Thousand Year Reich”

3. The secret service salute is now more of a “Heil Hitler!” type deal

4. History books arebeing re-written to highlight the “free food and lodgings” aspect of slavery over the brutal beatings and forced labor

5. “Concentration Camp Attendant” is now the third most popular future profession among high school boys

6. In Iowa, a transgender African-American valedictorian wanted to give a graduation speech titled, “Black Lives Matter and Principled Dissent In American Society” but was instead ordered by the faculty to recite an early Adolf Hitler speech entitled “The Jew Dog and his Globalist Bank Masters” in the original German

7. The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) changed its name to The National Association of People Who Might Look Colored But Are Really Just Dark-Skinned Italians

8. In anticipation of Trump’s arrival, the portraits of American Presidents will now all have Hitler mustaches

9. Overly Sensitive Biracial Jewish Canadian Drake has plummeted in popularity and is now only our nation’s third most popular rapper.

10. The Cleveland Indians decided to keep mascot Chief Wahoo

Nathan Rabin is a dad, columnist and the author of five books, most recently 7 Days In Ohio: Trump, The Gathering of the Juggalos and the Summer Everything Went Insane, which has just been released in a “hugely expanded” If We Make It Through November Edition